


More Than a Day, More Than a Word

by NobleLandMermaid



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romance, Slice of Life, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-05 21:46:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5391524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NobleLandMermaid/pseuds/NobleLandMermaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pam Beesly really likes Valentine's Day. Well mostly.<br/>A look at 15 Valentine's Days with Jim and Pam (from Pam's POV).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Yuanfen - 2002

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter titles come from [this list](https://www.vashi.com/more-than-just-a-word/Home.html) of untranslatable words of love from around the world. There will be a chapter for each Valentine's Day from 2002 to 2016. Mostly rated T, you can find the M stuff in Chapter 6, 10 and 11 ;-) . Cross-posting to FFN and [MoreThanThat](http://mtt.just-once.net/fanfiction/viewstory.php?sid=5367)
> 
> Decided not to worry too much about what day of the week V-Day was actually on, just gonna go with it!

**Yuanfen** \- the force that brings us together (Chinese)

* * *

_Valentine's Day, 2002_

She had a hunch it would happen tonight. Roy had made Valentine's reservations at her favorite restaurant, Casa Bella, and she kept catching him with a smile on his face as they were getting ready to go out. When he ordered a whole bottle of wine, and not the cheapest wine either, she was almost positive that it was going to happen tonight. After their entree dishes were taken away, a fork somehow fell to the floor and Roy kneeled down it get it, coming up with a little red velvet box.

"Pamela Morgan Beesly, will you...?"

"Yes!" she said too soon and too loudly. Realizing he hadn't even finished the question, she drew her hands to her mouth, her eyes getting wide. "Sorry."

Roy smiled broadly, dimples appearing on his cheeks, "Will you marry me?"

"Yes," she said again, everything getting blurry and sparkly through the tears in her eyes. A camera flash went off, the ring was slipped onto her finger, and the other patrons at the restaurant applauded as Roy, still kneeling, pulled her face to his for their first kiss as an engaged couple.

For most of the drive home, Roy keep her hand in his, running his thumb back and forth across the new gold band.

"Good Valentine's Day?" Roy asked.

"The best Valentine's Day," Pam replied with a wide grin. She was already sorting out plans in her head, what their color theme would be, what her dress might look like, who she wanted to invite. There was one rather important detail that needed to be decided before she could start thinking about everything else, though. "So when should it be?"

Roy lifted an eyebrow, "The wedding? Um, sometime after that ring is paid off."

Pam pursed her lips, but it quickly turned into a smile. "Summertime would be nice, like maybe next year."

"Yeah, that would be nice," Roy said. He briefly took his hand off hers to turn at a stoplight. "Oh hey, I talked to the manager upstairs today and they are still looking for a receptionist. He said after three months the company may even offer benefits."

Pam's brows met. "Haven't you told me there seems to be a new receptionist every time you go up there?"

"That's probably why they're offering benefits," Roy said with a smirk. "Trying to bribe someone into staying around."

Pam tilted her head, skeptical. "I don't know, it's just answering phones, isn't it?"

"Yeah and the starting pay is as much as you are making at the art supply shop after, what, four years you've been there? Plus you won't have to stand all day, and we can go to work together and save on gas."

"You think I'll like it there?" Pam asked.

Roy shrugged, "Sure, I mean, the manager's kind of a blowhard but everyone else up there seems pretty cool."

"Alright, I'll stop by tomorrow," Pam said. She grinned, "With my new beautiful ring."

Roy took her hand and kissed it, "Love you, babe."

"Love you," she replied, her eyes traveling to the band on her finger. It was a little too large, she would have to drop it off to be resized. Maybe tomorrow, before she goes to apply for the receptionist job at Dunder Mifflin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, there's not really any Jim this chapter, don't worry, he's coming soon (twss)


	2. Koi no yokan - 2003

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael Scott's Valentine's Day Singles' Mixer 2003

**Koi no yokan** \- when you meet someone and know you are destined to fall in love (Japanese)

* * *

_Valentine's Day, 2003_

"It's time to select our partners, and as the most eligible bachelor at the office, I will begin."

Pam couldn't believe Michael managed to get whole office all the way to Wilkes-Barre for an indoor mini-golf singles mixer. There were many things she couldn't believe about Michael Scott, even after working for him for nearly a year.

"I will pick Kathryn," Michael said with a grin. Pam glanced over to the tall brunette, who rolled her eyes before reluctantly walking over towards Michael. Kathryn was one of the two customer service representatives, Pam didn't know her well since she worked in the back. All she really knew was most of the office men thought Kathryn was attractive, especially Michael, who had been unsuccessfully trying to woo her since before Pam started at Dunder Mifflin. At least that's what Jim told her.

Michael announced it was Dwight's turn, and he selected Kelly, who also rolled her eyes as she slowly made her way towards Dwight.

Next was Jim. "Let's see," Jim said, mock-studying all the office women. "I'll pick Pam."

Pam tried not to smiled too much as she walked to the lanky, floppy haired salesman, who by far was the coworker Pam best got along with.

"Good job, dummy, you picked someone already married," Dwight said.

"Engaged," Jim quietly corrected.

"Still, used goods," Dwight retorted.

Pam stopped and glared at Dwight, ready to outline the ten different ways that comment was offensive, but Jim spoke first. "Pam herself said on the way here she wanted to be paired with the best mini-golfer, so it was kind of my obligation to select her." Pam felt her disgust morph into amusement; Jim was always good at defusing Dwight.

Dwight scoffed, "Really, you think you're the best mini golfer?"

Jim shrugged, but before Dwight could protest, Michael interjected, "Okay, Jim, Dwight, you two can measure your golf clubs later, that's what she said. Kevin, it's your turn."

"Why would 'she' say that?" Kevin asked in his usual slow tone.

"Why would who say what?" Michael replied.

"Why would 'she' say 'measure your golf clubs later'?" Kevin asked again.

"Wow, just pick someone before this places closes. Okay?" Michael half-yelled.

After hemming and hawing for a moment, Kevin selected Angela. Stanley tried to pass before selecting Phyllis, and Creed picked Meredith. That left Oscar with Toby, which made Michael giggle wildly. As Michael handed everyone their game balls and scoring cards, he said something about a prize being awarded to the couple with the best score. When asked what the prize was, Michael simply said "A surprise." Jim whispered to Pam that that meant Michael had no idea, and likely wouldn't come up with one before everyone finished the course.

Despite the fact that Pam couldn't even remember the last time she went mini-golfing, she felt like she was doing well, taking two or three strokes per hole, smiling broadly as Jim said, "Nice!" or "Well done, Beesly!" after she sunk each ball. They took their time, chatting and laughing on the green, observing their coworkers. Toby and Oscar were plowing through the course, while Michael was still near the start, groaning loudly every time he didn't sink the ball.

After Pam finished up hole 18, she stood in front of Jim as he tallied their points. "Alright Beesly, Looks like I'm the clear winner, 50 to 89."

Pam's jaw dropped, "What?! I definitely did not average 5 strokes on every hole."

"Scorecard doesn't lie." He held up the paper, "Hole #7 was the real turning point."

Pam snatched the paper and her eyes scanned the small tick marks, "10 on Hole 7? Really?"

"It's okay, mini-golf isn't your thing," Jim said with a shrug.

She grabbed the pencil out of his hand, "Here's what I think of your score-keeping abilities." She flicked the small yellow pencil, and it hit his chest and fell to the astroturf.

"Okay, that is assault," he said, leaning over to pick up the pencil. "I will be keeping this as evidence." He slipped it into his pocket.

"Yeah well I'm reporting you to the mini-golf gaming commission. Hope you enjoyed this round, Halpert, it's your last before they ban you from the sport forever!"

"Not the commission!" Jim tried to say dramatically but he couldn't stop grinning.

They laughed until Pam's sides hurt, and she looked over to the arcade area not far from the end of the mini golf course. She could see Toby and Oscar already taking their frustrations out on a shooting game, then her eyes scanned the different games and she gasped. "Oh, photobooth!" She took a couple steps towards the arcade before turning to see Jim was still at the end of the 18th hole. She walked to Jim and took his elbow, "C'mon!"

They entered the booth and Jim drew the curtains behind him. "I used to get these done all the time, I have an album full of these," Pam said, taking a seat on the bench. She then remembered her purse was in a locker at the front. "Oh, shot, I don't have any cash."

"No worries," Jim said, digging into his pockets. "It's on me." He slipped the first quarter into the slot, "I've actually never done one of these." He turned to Pam's surprised face and laughed, "I really haven't."

"Okay, well, once you drop that quarter in, we have to hold a pose until it flashes, then do the next pose."

"Thanks, I am familiar with the concept of photography," Jim teased, smiling when Pam lightly punched his arm. "So how will we pose?"

"I'll shout it out," Pam said. "Just drop the quarter."

Jim chuckled, "Alright, let's do this." The coin clanged down the slot and the booth started to hum.

"Okay, Dr Evil!" Pam shouted, snapping her pinky up to her lip.

"Oh my God," Jim muttered.

"Do it!" Pam said before pursing her lips.

_*Flash*_

"Scream queens!" Pam called out, opening her mouth in a fake scream, trying not to laugh as she could see Jim in the corner of her peripheral vision, his eyes wide and his hands up to his mouth like he was biting his nails.

_*Flash*_

"Vogue like Madonna!" She framed her face with flat palms, a smile tugging at her mouth when Jim made a light spitting noise as if he was going to burst out laughing.

_*Flash*_

"Hug!" Pam put her arms around his neck and pulled his cheek to hers. The flash went off and she turned her face towards him, not thinking much about how they were so close his nose brushed hers when he turned his head.

He quickly looked away from her, his hand reaching up to scratch the back of his neck. "So, now what?"

"We wait for the photos outside," Pam said.

Jim exited and stood next to the booth, his hands shoved into his pockets. He gave a nod to Pam as she step out of the booth, then watched the dispenser. Pam couldn't quite say what but something was different, he seemed a little nervous. The photo strip fell into the dispenser and Pam let Jim do the honors. He grabbed the small rectangle, smiling as his eyes traveled down the strip to each picture. He held it to her, "I think that'll be a fine addition to your collection."

"No, you should keep it," Pam said. She smirked, "To commemorate your first time." Pam instantly felt her eyes grow wide as that came out in a more flirty tone than intended.

Jim's eyes also widened slightly and he let out a nervous chuckle. "Here, you take it and we'll make a copy when we get back to the office."

Pam took the photo strip and nodded, satisfied with the compromise, and they walked over to watch Oscar and Toby play their shooting game.

It was nearly four o'clock when the group returned to Dunder Mifflin, and everyone rushed to their computers and phones, hoping to get an afternoon's worth of work finished in an hour. Except Michael, who bought a children's mini-golf kit made of foam and plastic and was now hitting an orange foam golf ball around the office.

By the time Pam had written down all the voice messages and sorted and distributed faxes, it was past five. She sat back down at her desk and saw Jim already getting ready to leave.

"How are you already done for the day?" Pam said as Jim walked to the coat rack.

"Because I learned after last year's laser tag singles' mixer I need to get all my work done in the morning on V-Day," Jim said smirking.

"Thanks for the heads up," Pam said in a sarcastic tone, but smiled as Jim gave her a shrug.

"If there's any way I can help..."

Pam thanked Jim for his offer but said she was fine, and he wished her a happy Valentine's Day and headed for the door. Right when the door slammed shut, she gasped, remembering the photo-strip in her purse. She retrieved the small paper rectangle and glanced to the copier, seeing the entire accounting department was huddled messing with the settings.

She looked at the photo strip, deciding she would make a copy first thing Monday morning. She studied the last photo, trying to remember what possessed her to wrapped her arms around his neck like that, to press her cheek to his. He really was very cute, that brilliant smile, those bright eyes. Maybe all the office men thought Kathryn was hot, but Pam was pretty sure all the office women had a crush on Jim. She knew she would, if she wasn't engaged of course. She narrowed her eyes at the last photo, it was hard to say since it was so small and black and white but Pam was positive his cheeks were darker as if he was blushing.

"What's that?" Pam spun around to see Roy leaning at her desk, and for a second she thought about shoving the pictures in the drawer.

"Oh, um, Jim and I got paired up at mini-golf, we were just hanging in the arcade while waiting for everyone." Pam replied, unsure why she was so nervous.

Roy reach out his hand and Pam reluctantly handed him the photo strip. "Oh man, he's a goofy-looking kid, isn't he?" he said with a laugh.

"No he's not, he's just making funny faces," Pam said quietly.

Roy didn't seem to hear Pam's comment. "Hey remember at prom like eight of us trying to fit into one of these booths?" Roy said, his hand with the photos reaching out towards her, "and Jerry Romano got in trouble for flipping the bird."

Pam took the photo strip from Roy and smiled uneasily as Roy laughed. She didn't remember it being quite that funny. "Yeah, that was crazy," Pam said, setting the photos by her keyboard. "So, um, I'm probably going to be at least another twenty minutes."

Roy sighed, "Really?" Pam shrugged, refraining from reminding him she had waited around for the warehouse to unload and inventory late afternoon delivers plenty of times. "Alright, I guess I can go fill the tank, I'll should be in the parking lot when you're done."

After Roy left, Pam grabbed a stack of document to fax out, her eyes falling onto the small black and white photos again. She smiled a little; she would never admit it out loud, especially to any coworkers, but she actually had a lot of fun at Michael Scott's Mini-Golf Singles' Mixer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to [this old GMMR interview](http://www.givememyremote.com/remote/2013/05/16/the-office-time-capsule-gmmr-interviews-jenna-fischer-and-john-krasinski/) with John and Jenna for inspiring the mini-golf as well as [the photobooth scene](http://www.givememyremote.com/remote/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Jenna_John_Globes-743512.jpg).
> 
> And if you remember your trivia well, yes, Kathryn is a reference to ep202 "Sexual Harassment" when Michael mentions there was a Catherine that use to work at DM who "would have definitely slept with" him.


	3. Cwtch - 2004

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a family emergency casts a pall over Pam's Valentine's day

**Cwtch** \- a hug, the safe place provided by a loved one (Welsh)

* * *

_Valentine's Day, 2004_

Pam could hardly keep her eyes of the front desk phone as she ate lunch at her desk. Wednesday evening Roy's father suffered a heart attack. She and Roy both took Thursday off and spent the day at the hospital, but today Pam decided to come to in an attempt to take her mind off things. So far it hadn't work, her hand shook slightly each time she answered the phone and she knew her nervousness could be heard in her voice.

She glanced up to the clock, it was 12:50 and the doctor was supposed to go over test results with Roy's family around lunchtime. A ring sounded and she answered so fast she nearly dropped the receiver, sighing a little when it was just a client asking for Customer Service. She transferred the call and turned to Jim, who had kept a concerned eye on her the whole day, shrugging to signal there was still no news.

The phone rang a moment later and Pam lifted up the receiver. "Dunder Mifflin."

"Hey babe," Roy said in an unenthusiastic tone.

"Hey." She glanced at Jim before turning in her seat and lowering her head.

Roy sounded fairly calm as he recounted to Pam that although his dad's heart attack wasn't severe, the tests showed he had plaque buildup and the doctor wanted to perform bypass surgery within the next couple months.

"Pammy," Roy said, taking a deep breath, "I was thinking, helping with his recovery and trying to plan a wedding for summer..."

"Yeah, it might be too much," she said reluctantly.

"Maybe springtime would be good."

Pam bit her lip, "Maybe, let's talk about it later. You go be with your family."

"Okay, love you," Roy said.

"Love you too," Pam replied in small voice. She set down the receiver and blinked back the tears. There were a couple envelopes in the send box, and she grabbed them and stood up, not looking at the tall figure walking towards her desk. "I'm just gonna run these down," she said, ignoring Jim softly calling her name as she walked briskly to the door.

Pam had no idea how long she was in the stairwell before she heard a door creak open. She dabbed her eyes with her sleeve, then looked up to see Jim descending the stairs. He gave her a small smile, "Michael sent a search party. I suggested to Dwight he establish a 50-yard perimeter around the building while I sweep the inside."

She let out a soft chuckle, "Thank you." Jim took a seat next to her, and with one glance at his worried face, Pam no longer tried to hold back the tears. "Um, I guess they want to perform bypass surgery in the near future. It's a long recovery and Roy thinks it's best to delay the wedding," she let out a scoff, "again." Her chin then trembled and she lowered her head. A crumpled tissue appeared in her vision and she laughed and took it to wipe her nose. "I'm so mad at myself," she said after moment.

"Why?" Jim asked.

"Because Roy's dad needs major surgery and I'm more upset about a wedding that I've barely even started to plan."

"You're allowed to be upset about that," Jim said softly.

"And you know me, I get in my head and start to wonder how long he's been wanting to delay it and if it's really his dad's surgery or if he just don't want to marry me and why doesn't he want to marry me and..." she looked up to Jim, "and I just need someone to tell me to snap out of it."

Keeping his warm hazel eyes locked with hers, Jim raised his arm and put it around her shoulder. "Beesly, snap out of it," he said in a faux-serious tone that made Pam laugh softly, and his expression melted into a smile.

"You're my best friend, you know that?" Pam said quietly.

Jim gave her shoulder a squeeze, "You're my best friend too."

Pam lifted her arms and wrapped them around Jim's neck, resting her head on his shoulder. He embraced her around her middle and she smiled; Jim gave good hugs.

They sat back, her hands still on his shoulders and his still on her waist. Jim stared at her a moment, before he gave her a half-grin, "So, Dwight's probably still combing the grounds outside, you wanna come help me replace all of his office supplies with Valentine's candies?

She gave him a nod, and he stood and took her hand to help her up. "You should replace his post-it's with Valentine cards," she said as they climbed the stairs.

Jim opened the stairwell door, "One step ahead of you, Beesly, I have packs of SpongeBob, Hello Kitty and Looney Tunes valentines in my desk."

Pam giggled and she walked alongside Jim to the Dunder Mifflin entrance, nodding and smiling as he told her which supplies he wanted to replace with which candies. All the while she thought about how lucky she was to get to work with her best friend.


	4. Mamihlapinatapei - 2005

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A silly card helps Pam take her mind off of more wedding delays.

**Mamihlapinatapei** \- the shared look of desire between two people too shy to make the first move (Yaghan)

* * *

_Valentine's Day, 2005_

Pam returned to her desk after going to the annex to give Toby and Kelly candies. A bouquet of flowers had arrived, and she opened the card taped to the vase.

 _To my first, my last, my only Valentine, I love you_  
_~Roy_

Any other Valentine's day this note would make her smile but today she only scoffed. They just had to pay a huge mechanical bill, and received an ominous warning that Roy's transmission was "on the brink" and he may want to look into getting a new truck. Between that, their landlord hiking up the rent at the start of the year, and Pam's father getting laid off last month, Roy and Pam decided they had no choice but to delay the wedding yet again. Pam was doing her best not to be angry or upset, it was nobody's fault these things kept happening, but last night Roy made an offhand comment that they should just go to the courthouse and then have a reception at Poor Richard's. Pam tried laugh it off but when Roy followed that up by saying they were practically married anyway and what's so important about a big ceremony, she felt her hands ball into fists, and announced she was going to bed early because she didn't feel well.

She moved the bouquet to the table behind her so she wouldn't have to look at them, eyeing the trash bin on the way before deciding the bin was too small to hold the whole arrangement. After she returned to her seat, she unwrapped a couple chocolates and popped them into her mouth, noticing a red envelope on her keyboard that had been hidden by Roy's bouquet. She opened the envelope and nearly spat out the chocolate when she saw Dwight's head pasted onto a little cherub body, holding a bow and arrow. "Have an adequate Valentine's Day," a word bubble by Dwight's frown said. Inside the card it read in familiar handwriting, "Cupid Dwight is trained in 6 different forms of archery. Don't mess with him." Smiling at Jim's signature, Pam looked up to his desk, disappointed to find he was still in the conference room in a salesman meeting. Pam looked around her desk, thinking about what she could use to put together as a Valentine's for Jim. She remembered she had some colored pencils in her bottom drawer so she grabbed the set and took out a piece of paper.

Pam worked on the drawing when she could for the rest of the morning, telling Jim he wasn't allowed to come to reception, which resulted in several silly phone calls from his desk to hers. At the tail-end of lunch she put the final touches on the paper and slipped it into a folder. She went to the break room and found Jim was the only one in there.

"Okay, it's not my best work, but I had to have some response to Cherub Dwight," Pam said, handing Jim the folder.

He opened it and laughed at the caricature of him jumping to slam-dunk a basketball, kneeing a caricature of Dwight in the face. "Awesome," he said, big smile on his face, "I can't believe I'm getting away with such an obvious foul too, wow." Pam giggled and Jim squinted at the corner of the drawing, "Who is this in the crowd, holding a sign that says 'Jim, be my Valentine?'"

Pam shrugged, "Oh, you know, one of your fangirls." She couldn't say why she had decided to give the fan curly golden-brown hair.

"This is really awesome, thanks," Jim said.

They smiled at each other for a moment, and Pam felt her cheeks get warm for some reason.

Jim's smiled faded a little and he suddenly closed the folder. "Hey man," he said, his voice deeper than usual.

Pam knitted her brows then jumped a little when she heard a "Hey, Halpert" right behind her. She spun around and saw Roy, who put his hand on her shoulder and before walking to the soda machine. "Downstairs is out of cola again." Tugging at the cuff of her sleeve, Pam kept her eyes on the floor until Roy's broad chest was in front of her face. "You like your flowers, babe?"

Pam put on the biggest smile she could manage and looked up, "Mm-hmm."

Roy smugly grinned before giving her a peck on the lips, "I'd hang out but we've got a truck coming in five minutes." He started for the door, "Later."

Pam turned to see Jim's eyes following Roy, then snap back to her. "Things any better?" He had been very sympathetic the past few weeks, hanging out with Pam during breaks and lunches and letting her vent about all her problems.

Scoffing, Pam took a seat across from Jim, "No." She started to fiddle with her ring, "Last night he basically said to my face he doesn't see what's so important about getting married, and I've hardly talked to him since but he hasn't noticed." She looked up to Jim, "I'm sorry, I've bothered you enough with this."

Jim shrugged, "It's okay."

She sat up, "So, you got any plans for tonight?"

Jim chuckled, "Oh, um, I have a friend throwing a party. She wrote 'singles only' in caps about 5 times in the email. Anyway, she'll have pizza, beer and games so I figured it's something to do."

"No, it sounds fun," Pam said. She looked down at her hands, still twisting her engagement ring. "Would she be okay with you bringing a friend?"

Jim knitted his brows, "You got someone in mind, Beesly?"

"Um," Pam gave a smile and shrugged.

"Oh," Jim said, realizing Pam meant herself. He shifted in his seat. "Don't you wanna spend Valentine's Day with your fiancé?"

"I want to spend Valentine's day with people I like," Pam said. She gazed off to the side, "and honestly I don't like him very much right now." She looked back to Jim's skeptical face and silently pleaded with him, just for one night she wanted to forget about delayed weddings and auto bills and have some fun.

Jim finally gave her a smile, "Alright, if you're sure, it starts at 7. I can get you her address -"

"Or I can come to your place at a quarter till and we can go there together," Pam said.

"Or we can do that," Jim said with a nervous laugh that made Pam smiled. He glanced at his watch, "We should probably get back to work." Pam nodded in agreement and they stood. He picked up the folder and opened it to look at Pam's drawing again. "And this is going in a frame," he said with a grin.

They walked side by side back to their desks, Pam unable to stop smiling.

For the rest of the afternoon, Pam rehearsed in her head how she was going to tell Roy about this party. It would probably involve a white lie or two, maybe tell him it was at Kelly's or Phyllis', definitely omit that she was going to go together with Jim. Roy knew Jim was a friend, but he still tended to have a jealous streak when it came to Pam hanging out with men without him, no matter who it was. Still, she couldn't imagine Roy would care or ask many questions about the party, he would probably be relieved to learn he's off the hook for Valentine's Day.

Pam started her end-of-day routine when the phone rang. She recognized the extension to be the warehouse and answered, expecting to hear Darryl and was surprised to hear a "Hey babe" instead.

"Hey, what's up?" Pam said flatly.

"Well, I figured I should find out why you're mad at me," Roy replied.

Pam felt her heart rate increase, "I'm not mad-"

"Pammy, c'mon, I know how you get. I just really don't know why."

She chewed her lip, wanting to give him the 'you should know what you said' line before deciding he may honestly not know how his comment hurt her. "I just ... I don't know how much I appreciated what you said last night."

Her free hand made a fist as Roy let out a small laugh, "What, that we should elope? You know I was just talking."

"Were you also just talking when you said getting married isn't important?" Pam said, trying to keep her voice down and not draw anyone's attention.

"Babe, of course I know how important getting married is to you. I'm as frustrated as you are about all this. I hate that all this stuff is happening and it's stopping us from having the wedding you want ... that we want."

Pam twisted her lips, suddenly feeling a touch guilty.

"But it's gonna happen, alright, and it's not going to be at a courthouse, we'll do it right, we both just need to be patient," Roy said.

 _Be patient_ , the words repeated in her head, _be patient_. It felt like all she's done is be patient. "Okay," she finally replied.

Roy took a breath "So I'll see you downstairs in 30?"

Pam replied yes and hung up the receiver, her eyes falling onto Jim. He was on the phone with a client, leaning back in his chair, smiling and laughing. He noticed Pam watching him and gave her a nod before looking back down to his notepad. Pam felt her cheeks flush but still watched him. How did he possibly not have a girlfriend, she found herself thinking. Probably just afraid of commitment like most men his age seemed to be. Even her own fiancé.

With perfect timing, Jim grabbed his coat from the rack right as Pam's computer screen when dark. "You all done?" he asked.

Pam nodded and gathered her things, walking with Jim to the elevator.

"So my friend does have a cat, but she keeps him upstairs whenever there's company," Jim started as they waited for the elevator.

Pam jerked her face to Jim, somehow the party had slipped her mind in the last half hour. "Oh, yeah, um, I'm not allergic."

"I didn't think so," Jim replied. He smiled broadly, and Pam felt her stomach twist.

"Um, about that..." Pam started, but the ding of the elevator interrupted her.

The doors opened and Jim's smiled instantly faded. Pam looked and inhaled sharply as she saw Roy. "Hey, good timing," Roy said with a grin.

Pam's eyes snapped back to Jim, who kept his gaze on the floor as he stepped onto the elevator. Pam followed him and Roy hit the "down" button.

"So Halpert, you got any kind of hot date tonight?" Roy said.

Jim laughed a laugh Pam knew was forced, "Nah, just hanging out with some friends."

"Yeah, I think Pammy and I will just have a night in," Roy replied. Pam tensed up slightly as Roy put her arm around her shoulder. She looked over to Jim, but he kept his eyes firmly ahead.

The doors opened to the lobby and the three stepped out of the elevator. After a couple steps, Pam gasped and stopped in her tracks, "Oh, my flowers."

"I'll go get them, babe," Roy said, stepping back onto the elevator.

When the door closed, Pam swiveled her head and saw Jim nearly at the front door of the building. "Jim," she called, jogging over to him. He turned and something about his expression made the words catch in her throat "I'm sorry..." she finally said softly.

Jim shook his head and put on a smile, "Don't worry about it. My friend was very emphatic about the 'single' part. She would have kicked you out if she found out you were engaged."

Pam smiled and looked at her shoes, an odd feeling, like a rush of adrenaline, came over her. "You know what, I still wanna go."

"Pam -" Jim said, lowering his gaze.

"No, I'm just gonna tell Roy I already made plans with my friends," Pam said, unsure where this feeling of defiance was coming from.

Jim gave her a half smile, "Pam, listen, this party . . . is everyone's back-up plan, you know? It's just gonna be a bunch of lonely people who want to commiserate on Valentine's day."

Pam bit her lip, thinking about how she had felt awfully lonely recently and feeling a little disappointed that Jim didn't see that. He usually would.

The elevator dinged and Jim put his hand on the door handle, "Have a great evening, Pam. Happy Valentine's Day."

"You too," Pam said quietly, watching Jim walk to his car until Roy appeared next to her, bouquet in hand.

"Ready, babe?" Roy asked.

Pam nodded and followed him out the door. Jim gave a small wave when he drove past them, and Pam couldn't help but watch the red Corolla as it turned onto the street and down the road. She looked to Roy in front of her. He was her first and only Valentine's as well. It'd be nice to have someone else be her valentine, though, she thought. Just to see what it was like. Just once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if you remember but in the "Valentine's Day" episode, Pam mentioned how Jim gave her a v-day card with Dwight head, so I had fun speculating on what it was.  
> And yes, this chapter was both fun and sad to write. My poor bbs.  
> ETA: I started writing a spin-off of this chapter with Pam ending up going to the party with Jim, if anyone is interested...


	5. Manabamate - 2006

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the "Valentine's Day" episode (ep 216)

**Manabamate** \- the lack of appetite you suffer when falling in love (Rapa Nui)

* * *

  
_Valentine's Day 2006_  
  
After taking out her contacts and brushing her teeth, Pam came out of the bathroom to find Roy sitting up in their bed. When she crawled under the comforter she noticed he had his arm behind his back. "What?" she said suspiciously.  
  
"I got you a little something," Roy said, pulling his hand around to reveal an envelope. Pam opened the card, covered in red and pink hearts and filled with a nice message. Maybe it would have been a little nicer if she wasn't sure he just bought this card a couple hours ago at the drug store. A folded note dropped out, and Pam opened it to see it was a hand-written IOU for "an unforgettable night, redeemable at any time".    
  
Pam laughed at the note, her period had started a little early and she asked to take a rain check on Roy's promised 'best sex of her life'. "Sorry my body has terrible timing," she said. She wasn't very sorry though, in all honesty she was relieved.

"It's fine, babe," Roy said, giving her a quick kiss before laying down and pulling the covers over his shoulders. "We have a lot of great Valentine's Days ahead of us, right?"

Pam hummed in agreement and picked up a paperback book from her nightstand. Roy had always been able to fall asleep quickly, even with lights on, and sure enough within minutes his breath became heavy, almost on the verge of snoring, the tell-tale sign he was really asleep. Pam found herself staring at the open book for several minutes, but she was unable to focus enough to actually read and replaced the book on the nightstand. She still felt very awake, so she slowly got out of bed and went to the kitchen, quietly tidying up. She briefly opened the refrigerator, feeling like she should be hungry after only nibbling on dinner, but she just wasn't. Instead she grabbed her purse from the counter and walked to the front door to hang it with her coat. Inadvertently she glanced inside her purse and her eyes fell onto a red envelope with "Jim" written in cursive.  
  
With the envelop in hand, she sat on the couch and took out the card. She started working on it after the lake cruise when she found out Jim and Katy had broken up, drawing a silly cartoon of Jim with a Dwight-faced cherub flying above him ready to shoot his bow. She opened up the card and read her handwriting. "May Cupid Dwight's aim be true." Once she finished the card, she kept it in her top drawer, and every time she saw the red envelope, she thought about the bright smile Jim always gave her whenever she shared any of her drawings with him, and how much she was looking forward to Valentine's Day.

Not long after she finished the card, Jim confessed he used to have a crush on her. Despite his assurances it was years ago and he was long over it, Pam couldn't shake the feeling that something was up, that it was strange for this "old crush" to be coming out now.  
  
The Friday night after that kitchen conversation with Jim was one of the more restless nights she had recently. For the first time she allowed herself to think about being out on the deck with him on that ridiculous "team-building" lake cruise. She was just trying to be funny, teasing him about dating a cheerleader, expecting a quick, witty retort. But he just stood silently, his eyes boring into her and his lips parted as if about to speak. Or maybe about to kiss her. She wondered what she would have done had he tried, had he stepped closer and leaned down towards her, barely able to admit to herself that in that moment she would have let him. That a part of her was hoping he would.  
  
The next morning Pam suggested to Roy they take some time off and go to the Poconos for a few days, which Roy happily agreed to. They skied some in the mornings but mostly they stayed in their cheesy, faux-Alps decorated hotel room in what Roy later dubbed their pre-Honeymoon. It was nice; frankly sex had been rather routine the past few months, even verging on boring, but they switched things up and got adventurous. Some positions and techniques were more successful than others, there was a slippery hotel shower incident that gave her a bruised elbow and Roy some stubbed toes. But even that was fun, them naked and laughing hysterically on the bathroom floor, there was an intimacy to it that Pam didn't realized had been missing for a while.

All Pam really wanted from the trip was to get her mind off of everything, and it was mostly successful, even if there were a couple times where she found her imagining the figure moving above her was a bit thinner, that the hair she was running her fingers through was somewhat longer, that the voice saying her name in her ear was a little deeper and a touch huskier.  
  
Despite those strange fleeting thoughts, Pam came home from the Poconos feeling like things were better with Roy than they had been in years. But it quickly went back to the same old when not a week later, they argued about the graphic design program at the corporate offices. Or, rather, Roy listed the reasons why it wouldn't work out and Pam didn't challenge him. He wasn't wrong: it was not good timing, with the wedding they weren't going to have the money for her to stay near New York, even just in a hotel on the weekends, and it wasn't guaranteed to lead to anything.  
  
_"You gotta take a chance on something sometime."_ It felt like Jim was challenging her, was referring to far more than just the internship. She snapped back that she's fine with her choices, but he saw through her instantly. It always scared her a little, these moments when she realized how well he knew her, how he could tell when she was lying even to herself.  
  
Roy caught her crying in the bathroom that evening and thought it was about him shooting the internship idea down so fast. And it was partially, but it was more about the way Jim looked at her the rest of the day. She could handle Roy, she had nearly a decade of experience with his reluctance to anything new and different, but feeling like Jim was disappointed in her was somehow unbearable. Roy offered to convert the spare bedroom into an art studio as a wedding present to her, to which Pam put on a smile and said that sounded good, even though she had a nagging feeling it was not going to happen, at least not without a lot of prodding from her.  
  
She was noticing how things had been just a little off since the "booze cruise". Jim of course still chatted and joked with her but it somehow felt different, more restrained. She wanted to attribute it to his breakup, but he and Katy really weren't that serious. Pam tried not to think too much about the fact that none Jim's girlfriends over the last three years had been "that serious".

Her silly card almost went forgotten in the back of her top drawer until she happened upon it this morning. It oddly didn't feel appropriate to give to Jim anymore, but she decided she would give him the card as long as he gave something to her first. Turned out all he would give her was a "Happy Valentine's Day" as he was halfway out the door.

Pam closed the card and felt her eyes begin to sting as she studied her drawing. It was really starting to feel like something was broken between them, something small but significant, something Pam didn't have the first clue how to fix.

Spotting a pen on the coffee table, Pam scooted to the edge of the couch, grabbing the pen and flipping open the card. Under her signature she began to write.

_\- P.S. Are things awkward now? I thought we were just kidding._

She bit her lip and pressed the pen tip back to the paper.

_\- Because right now, I kind of need my best friend._

Her eyes kept passing over the words "best friend". She had considered Jim to be her best friend for years now, and like any relationship, best friends had their ups and downs. This just happened to be one of their "down" periods, she told herself. She wished she was more confident that things _would_ get better, because sometimes best friends just drifted apart too.

She slid the card back into the envelope, unsure what she was going to do with it now, aside from being certain she wasn't going to give it to Jim. She stood and walked back to the kitchen and started to sort through the pile of mail on the table. "Oh," she said quietly to herself when she saw a box from the custom stationary shop. Her Save-the-Dates had arrived yesterday much to Pam's excitement, but today all she could think was how long it was going to take to hand-address every one, a task Roy already weaseled out of by claiming his handwriting was terrible. She slipped Jim's card into the box and carried it to the entry table, deciding she would have to address the save-the-dates during slow times at work.

She was sure plenty of her coworkers would be willing to help, and she quickly listed in her mind who she might ask.

Her best friend was not one of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this was kind of tough to write, it's difficult to get into Pam's mindset during this part of season 2, like the feelings for Jim are definitely there but there is a LOT of denial.
> 
> Anyway, one more kind of sad chapter. Then things should get better.


	6. Dor - 2007

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leaving Phyllis' Wedding (ep 316)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised I'm upping the rating to M, but it's a sad M.  
> Just remember, it gets better after this.

**Dor** \- the sense of longing when separated from that which you love (Romanian)

* * *

 

_Valentine's Day, 2007_

They ran into no one as they descended the steps from the reception hall and walked around the back of the building to the parking lot. Roy's truck was on the far end, but Pam slowed her stride a bit as they passed her small blue car. For a brief moment she considered pulling her hand away from his, telling him she would just meet him at his place, knowing she probably wouldn't ever make it over there. She didn't even know where his new apartment was.  
  
Roy nodded towards her car. "It'll be okay here, don't you think?" he said, as if sensing her doubt.  
  
"Yeah, I can pick it up later," Pam replied quickly, and they continued walking. Pam spotted Jim's silver hatchback parked not far from her car, and felt a little embarrassed Jim would likely notice her car still there when he left. She kind of hoped he would notice, though.

The drive was quiet, Roy's radio played some classic rock song so faintly that Pam had no hope of identifying it. He kept his hand on hers, his fingers tracing the spot where his ring was for so many years. She left it on the nightstand when she called off the wedding and was now slightly curious to know if he still had it. They came to a stop light and Pam's eyes fell onto the street sign. If she were to go home, she would ask him to keep going straight, but she bit her lip as he turned right, then left, then right into a parking lot. The name on the entrance sign was familiar, she had researched this very apartment complex when she was looking for a new place last June, settling on her current apartment because the landlord had the earliest "move in" date of any place she looked at.

They climbed a flight of stairs and entered his apartment, Roy apologizing as he kicked his work boots out of the entrance way, then taking Pam's coat to hang it up. He ask if she wanted anything to drink. Nothing sounded appealing but she asked for water and walked around the living room as he grabbed a glass from the cupboard. The small apartment was white-walled and sparsely furnished, a couple old sports trophies next to his DVD collection serving as the only thing close to decorations.

Roy appeared next to her, handing her a glass, and she took a couple sips as he bumbled about how he was wanting to do more with the apartment but he doesn't feel like he has any kind of eye for design. Pam took one more sip of water, and set the glass down on the coffee table. 

"I do have one decoration I like, though," Roy said, walking towards the hallway.

Pam followed him and he stepped aside to reveal a framed watercolor hanging on the wall, a still-life she painted back in high school that made it to the district art show.

"I know it's pretty old but I still think it's good," Roy said.

"I don't know if I've improved much since this painting," Pam said quietly.

He took her hand and gently turned her towards him. "I think all your art is beautiful."

She let out a very small scoff, but looked up to see his expression was sincere. She smiled slightly before stepping closer, and he brought his hand up to cup her cheek before leaning down to kiss her.  
  
After a moment he pulled his face away from her, saying nothing as he took her hand again and guided her down the short hallway. When she moved out of their house last summer she left all the furniture, and as he opened the bedroom door, she felt a slight panic thinking about how he might still have the bed they shared for years. She exhaled in relief when her eyes fell onto a different, smaller bed; their king-size would have been much too large for this new bedroom.

He stood behind her, kissing her neck while he pinched the small zipper and slowly pulled it down. The chocolate-colored satin fell in a heap at her feet, and she turned to face him, blushing as his eyes traveled down to the pretty, lacy bra she wore, embarrassed that she definitely had someone else in mind when she picked it out this morning.

It was strange, he was the only man she had ever been with, they had done this hundreds of times. But still it was somehow different. Once his shirt and pants joined her dress on the floor, he leaned back down to kiss her, his fingers blindly trying to unhook her bra before she reached back to do it for him.  
  
They lay down on bed, him on top of her, and as they kiss she ran her hands along the back of his arms, noticing they had definition for the first time since his high school football days. His lips broke away and he moved down the matress, kissing her breasts and her navel along the way. His fingers slipped under the lacy sides of her panties and she lifted her hips as he gently pulled down. His new beard tickled the inside of her thighs and she did her absolute best not to giggle, but then his lips and tongue reached a certain spot and she was able to forget about the tickling and started to breath heavy. She didn't really want to know how but he had gotten better at this. He always had treated this like a chore, something to get through as quickly as possible, but tonight he took his time. He even lifted his head to ask how he was doing and if she was liking it, definitely a first for him. She smiled at his nervousness and once she assure him she liked it, he lowered his head and she closed her eyes.

_"Jim told me about you guys"_

_"I'm in love with you"_

_"That you kissed"_

_"I just needed you to know, once"_

_"And it's not a big deal"_

_"I want to be more than that"_

_"It was just a kiss"_

_"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that"  
"Me too."_

Pam's eyes popped open and she looked down to Roy. Good as this felt, her mind was too easily wandering. "Hey," she said, causing him to pause and look up to her, "come here." Roy knitted his brows, getting ready to ask if something was wrong, but she sat up a little and smiled. "Get up here," she said in a voice that hardly sounded like her.  
  
He smiled and licked his lips as he lifted himself up onto his palms and crawled up until his sky blue eyes were the only thing in her vision. He gave her a couple kisses before she felt his hand brush her stomach, reaching down between them.  
  
She pulled her face away from his, "Um, you have anything?" She didn't intend to get this far before mentioning protection. She didn't really intend anything that had happened the last hour.  
  
"You're not still on–"  
  
She lied and shook her head no. He leaned over her to his nightstand and grabbed a square metallic wrapper out of the drawer. Seeing he was now keeping condoms right by his bed made Pam feel validated in her request that he wear one. After all, it had been the better part of a year and he was a good looking guy, surely he had been with other women.  
  
As Roy sat up and tore the wrapper, Pam found her thoughts drifting elsewhere again; the wedding reception was probably finished now, they were probably back at Jim's place. Karen's full lips were probably already on his, her fingers in his soft hair, his hands on her flawless tan skin. What a fool Pam was to think he'd still want her, now that he had someone so smart, so pretty, so confident.  
  
Roy leaned back down until his lips were hovering just over hers. "You're so beautiful," he said, his thumb stroking her cheek. She smiled a little and closed her eyes. It was so awful and surreal to be at that wedding, to hear compliments on the dress she had chosen, to watch everyone dance to the band she had hired, to see "P&R" written everywhere in the font and colors she spent weeks selecting. Somehow the worst thing was having Jim right in front of her, smiling and flirting as he told he thought her bad dancing was cute, making her feel like maybe, just maybe, something could happen, until she was reminded she missed her chance. She had years of chances and didn't realized it until she had no more.  
  
She gasped softly as Roy first pushed into her, it had all felt different and new up until this point, but now everything felt very familiar again. She knew his rhythm, his movement, his breath, it was rather comforting. And it was the one thing from this bizarre day she could call her own.

* * *

They lay on their sides, his chest pressed up against her back and his arm holding her tightly around the shoulders. She felt secure, wanted. _This is good_ , she told herself, _this is right_.  
  
"I love you, Pammy," he whispered into her ear.  
  
The tears that had been beading in her eyes finally spilled out onto her cheeks, and she told herself she was crying because she was happy.


	7. Forelsket - 2008

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First Valentine's Together (which we were cruelly deprived of in Season 4)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, definitely didn't meet my goal of finishing on Valentine's Day, but this way we can celebrate V-day for a bit longer. Also today is Jenna Fischer's birthday and I can't think of a better way to celebrate that posting some fluffy fanfic.

**Forelsket** \- the euphoria of falling in love (Danish)

* * *

   
_The Day after Valentine's Day, 2008_

The alarm beeped a couple times before Pam all but smashed the snooze button. Grumbling to herself, she grabbed her glasses from the nightstand and looked at the clock, replacing the glasses and plopping her head down when she figured she could stay in bed about ten more minutes.

There was a slight bit of movement next to her and she rolled to her other shoulder. They've been together for months now but it still gave her a small rush to wake up and realized Jim was next to her. She usually woke up first and often found herself just watching him, his hair going every which way, his breathing deep and steady.

Pam knew Valentine's Day with Jim would be special, that he would do something more unique and thoughtful than simply giving her a store-bought card and gift. When she arrived at work yesterday, several of her co-workers' desks were already adorned with the typical chocolates and flowers from their significant others, but instead of a bouquet, she found a single rose on her desk with a note attached that read, "When you finally started calling me 'Jim' instead of 'James'". She was a little confused and wanted to ask him about this single rose, but figured there was a more involved plan afoot and decided to wait and see.

After getting her morning yogurt - mixed berries of course - she returned to find another rose on her desk, with another note. "When you asked if you could eat lunch with me in the breakroom the first time." Another rose after a bathroom break, "When you brought in your sketchbook just to show me." Then another after she delivered a fax to the annex, "When you drew out step-by-step instructions on how to make collated copies specifically to give me."

A rose appeared every time she left her desk, with a new note mentioning things like her coming up with "Pretendonitus", winning the Whitest Sneakers Dundie, fooling Dwight by making the coat-rack move with a long umbrella. Pam wasn't sure what the theme was of all these moments, even after receiving eleven roses and notes. When they left work for the day, Jim offered no explanation for the roses on the way down to the parking lot, he just said he would pick her up for Valentine's dinner at six-thirty. As she got ready for dinner, she continued to ponder what tied all the notes together. Maybe some kind of inside joke, she thought, but not all of them were funny, they were mostly just silly little moments.

Dinner was at the small Italian restaurant that use to be a dry-cleaners, which had become one of their favorite places in the last few months. Towards the end of dinner she returned from the restroom to find a 12th rose on top of a card on the table. Jim smiled slightly as she opened the card and read.  

> _"These might seem like random little moments,_  
>  _but they were just a few of the times that I knew I loved you._  
>  _And maybe the greatest little moment of all_  
>  _was when I found that note in my expense reports._  
>  _Because that's the moment I realized you felt the same way about me."_

The alarm sounded again, and she flipped to her right shoulder to hit the snooze button before flipping back to face the still-sleeping Jim. She reached up to wipe a tear from her eye, thinking about that silly note with the yogurt lid. When she put that note in his folder for his corporate interview, she had accepted that he was going to be leaving her life again, that they were never going to be much more to each other than an "almost", a "maybe", a "could have". She saw the note as a "farewell and best wishes", never did she imagine it would be what brought him back to her.

But it did, and now he was here in her bed, finally starting to stir and open his eyes. She loved it when he would wake up, loved the smile that never failed to appear on his face when he opened his eyes to her. The first thing he did when he was awake enough was bring his right hand up to gently stroke her cheek. "Hey," he said, his voice gravelly. He sat up to kiss her, before letting his head fall back to the pillow. He always kissed her first thing in the morning, another thing she loved.

Pam curled up to him, resting her head on his chest, listening to his breath. "I don't want to go to work," she said after a moment.

"Let's call out today," Jim replied. "We can tell Michael we over-exerted ourselves. Which is absolutely true."

Laughing, Pam raised her head, "Oh is it?"

"Beesly, I never truly understood the meaning of 'jump your bones' until last night."

Pam felt her cheeks get hot and set her head back down on his chest. After dinner, they drove back to her apartment, her left hand in his, her right hand clutching the 12th rose and the card he had just given her. The moment he put the car in park, she brought his face to hers to kiss him, short and sweet at first, then longer and deeper. His lips moved to her earlobe and he breathed something about how long he had wanted to be with her on Valentine's Day. When she replied that they should go upstairs and make up for lost time, it was a race out of the car and to her front door.

"I think Michael would gladly give us the day off as long as we give him a couple details," Jim continued.

"Like what?" she said, smirking.

Jim held up his hand, beginning to count on his fingers. "Well, there was round one, where we barely get to the couch before you had your way with me."

Pam scoffed, "Oh did I? I would say you had your way with me."

"Fine, there was mutual way-having," Jim said. "Then there was round two, where I go to get the leftovers from the car and come back to you in the kitchen wearing some satiny little robe and not much else. Then, my personal favorite, round three, where we finally do make it to the bedroom, and discover that your vanity is actually the perfect height for..."

Pam smiled at his blushing cheeks. "Recreational activities?" she suggested.

"Yes, adults-only recreational activities. And then finally, round four in this bed sometime during the night, which wasn't too showy, just kind of soft and slow and pretty great."

"Yeah, it was," Pam said, brushing her knuckles back-and-forth gently across his chest. "So I guess the only question is do we have a round five in us?"

Jim smiled, sitting up to give Pam a few kisses before wrapping his arms around her middle and rolling her over. Pam giggled as Jim started kissing her neck and clavicle, his hand slipping under her tee-shirt.

The alarm sounded off once again, and Jim sighed against Pam's lips.

"How soon to we need to be at work?" Pam reluctantly asked.

"Half an hour," Jim grumbled.

Pam gave him half smile, "Raincheck on round five?"

"I guess so," he replied with a pout.

Pam playfully pushed Jim off of her and they finally started to get out of bed. She took a step and yelped when her bare foot landed on something sharp. Looking down, she saw she had stepped on an earring, then looked further to see all of the jewelry and knick-knacks from her vanity were strewn across the carpet.

Jim, who rushed over when Pam yelled, was stifling a laugh. "What happened here?"

"You know good and well what happened here," Pam said in a play-annoyed voice. "Some oaf knocked all my things to the floor."

"The oaf apologizes," Jim said, leaning down to help her pick up everything. "He was in the throws of passion at the time."

Pam smiled then gasped when she saw a little porcelain figure on the floor, missing it's head. "Oh no," she picked up a decapitated figurine. "He was beheaded."

Jim peeked under the vanity and reached out his hand, coming up with a marble-sized head between his thumb and index finger, "At least he died in the name of love."  
  
Pam took the head from Jim and stood up to set the figurine, a little boy dressed in traditional German clothes, on the vanity. "This is from my meemaw and she would definitely not approve of the means by which he met his fate."

"Oh yeah, your super fun grandma?" Jim replied, standing up with a handful of trinkets to put on the vanity.

Pam nodded, "Yeah, the one that thinks anything beyond hand holding before marriage is a sin."

Jim smirked and stepped closer, putting his hands on her hips, "We're probably going to hell after last night, huh?"

"Straight to hell," Pam said with a smile, wrapping her arms around Jim's neck. After a moment, she pulled her lips away from his. "No, no round five now."

Jim whined like little kid but let go of her, and they rushed around the apartment getting ready for work. Pam threw on some clothes, tied her hair back in a ponytail, and came out to the kitchen to find something quick to eat.

"Hey," Jim called from the bathroom, "we're gonna have to stop by my place, unless I have a spare dress shirt here?"

"Why, did something get on it?" Pam called back. She turned to see Jim walking into the kitchen, the shirt he wore to dinner in his hand.

He held the shirt up and ran his finger along the open edge where at least three buttons were missing. "Some horny little devil literally ripped my clothes off last night."

"The little devil apologizes," Pam said, holding back a laugh, "she was in the throws of passion."

Jim gave her a playful smack on her rear-end and grabbed two breakfast bars from the cupboard. "I guess we better get going."

"We need to remember to have you bring some clothes over, I have some space in the closet," Pam said as she locked the front door behind them.

"Yeah, that or move in together," Jim said nonchalantly.

Pam hummed slightly, not really wanting have that conversation at the moment. She knew he was ready for the next step, but she wasn't sure how to express that she wasn't quite there without him thinking something was wrong. Sure, if they weren't at her apartment, they were at his, but at the same time it was the first time in her life she had her own place. Living with Roy felt like a constant compromise; debating if they really should spend that much on a coffee table, arguing that yes, she did need that much space for her art supplies. She knew Jim wouldn't be like that at all, and she would be ready soon, just, not yet.

They were about to descend the stairs when Pam heard someone call her name. She turned her head to see her neighbor also heading out of her apartment.

"Hey Barbara," Pam replied. She really didn't know much about her neighbor, who was dark-haired and looked to be in her late 30s, but they were friendly and always greeted each other.

"This must be Jim," Barbara said, smirk on her face as she looked him up and down.  
  
Pam froze as she remembered she's never mentioned Jim to Barbara, and then remembered the wall they shared was on the bedroom side of the apartment.

"Nice to meet you, Barbara," Jim said innocently. "You had a nice Valentine's Day?"  
  
"Jim," Pam said in a low voice that he didn't hear.  
  
Barbara just smirked more, "Oh it was alright, but I suspect not as good as yours."  
  
Jim's brow met, and Pam tugged his arm. "See you later, Barbara," he said, following Pam down the steps.

At the first stop light, Jim lightly tapped the steering wheel and looked over to Pam, smile on his face. "I didn't know you talked about me with your neighbors, Beesly."  
  
"I actually haven't," Pam said. Jim's expression shifted to confused and Pam bit her lip, "You know my vanity?"  
  
The grin returned to Jim face, "I do after last night."  
  
"Yeah, that's the wall I share with Barbara."  
  
Once he realized what Pam was implying, his eyebrows lifted high, "Oh." He shrugged, "We weren't that loud."  
  
Pam gave a nervous chuckle, "We were kinda loud."  
  
"Yeah, I guess we were," Jim smirked, "I kinda liked that though."  
  
"I kinda did too," Pam said quietly, knowing her cheeks were bright red.

Jim pulled into a parking spot below his apartment, and turned to Pam, half-smiling, "You know, I think my apartment has thicker walls." His right arm was over the console, his fingers playing with the hem of Pam's skirt.

Pam tilted her head, "It wouldn't be a big deal to, say, go in at noon, would it?"

He studied her face, then abruptly turned in his seat and opened the door. Pam giggled and fumbled with her seat belt as Jim ran to her side and opened her door.  "Last one up gets to call Michael," he said, starting for the stairs.

"What!" Pam yelled, rushing after him. By the time she got upstairs, Jim was trying to turn his key, which had a tendency to get stuck in the deadbolt lock. Pam slide between him and the door, knocking his hand of his key ring and jiggling the key a little before it clicked. The door opened and they all but fell into the apartment, laughing.

"That was at best a tie," Jim argued.

"Tie goes to the girlfriend," Pam said.

Jim shook his head, slipping his hand into his pocket to pull out his cell phone, "Why does the tie go to the girlfriend again?"

"It just does," Pam replied smiling.

Jim brought up the office number, and stuck his tongue out at her as he hit "call". It rang twice before a "Yeeeesh" came on the line. "Hey Michael, something's popped up and Pam and I won't make it in til lunch, alright?"

A low chuckle came from the other line, _"Yeah, I bet something popped up,"_ Michael started, _"Like your pe-"_

Jim hit 'end call' and sighed.

"'Popped up?' Really?" Pam said, feigning disgust.

"I have no idea why I said that, I'm pretty sure I've never used that expression before in my life." His brows raised in worry, "Did I kill the mood?"

Pam shrugged, "A little, but we have time to revive it." She took a step towards the kitchen, "Maybe a real breakfast will help."

She made blueberry pancakes while Jim whipped up some scrambled eggs, and as they ate, Pam found herself watching him once again. Just a year ago she could barely convince herself to go to work, unsure if she could handle another day of him facing away from her, rarely talking to her, seeing him flirt and joke around with someone else. One day last March, not long after all the drama with Roy, Pam had decided she couldn't take any more, and printed off her two-week notice. She picked up the letter from the copier and was walking to Michael's office when she bumped into Jim on his way back to his desk. Pam inadvertently grabbed his arms to maintain her balance, and when he asked if she was okay, her eyes snapped to his worried face. She nodded yes, and he smiled at her for the first time in weeks, "You gotta keep your eyes on the road, Beesly." She gave him a small chuckle and he kept his eyes on her for several beats then gave her arms a small squeeze before letting go and turning to his desk. Maybe she just imagined it, the concern in his voice, the pain in his eyes, the small hope in his smile. Maybe him calling her "Beesly" was just a reflex, an old habit he hadn't broken yet, but at that moment it was enough to make her pick up her notice, which had landed a few feet away from Jim's desk, and then walk back behind her desk to run the paper through the shredder.

"I don't know how you do it, Beesly," Jim said, dropping his fork on his empty plate. "My grandmother has always held the title for best pancakes, but you may be the new champ."

She hummed in amusement and continued to watch him. After a moment his brows knitted and he asked her what was up. "Nothing, I just," she took a breath and smiled slightly, "I love you."

The smile slowly spread across his face, but then shifted to a more mischievous look, "I love your pancakes." Pam's jaw dropped and he smirked, "I like you well enough, though."

"Well enough?!" she half-shouted. She stood and started to lightly punch him in the shoulder, and he spun her around and pulled her onto his lap, his lips meeting hers.

He pulled his face back slightly and reached up to push a loose curl behind her ear. "I love you."

"More than my pancakes?" she said, a pout on her face.

He pretended to ponder her question. "It's probably a tie, but ties go to the girlfriend, remember?"

Pam giggled and their lips met again, his hands traveling down to her waist then under her shirt, tickling the small of her back.

"So.... Round Five?" Jim said in a low tone.

She leaned back, biting her lip before she jumped up off his lap and headed towards the hallway, laughing as Jim came up behind her, scooping her up in his arms and carrying her to the bedroom. 


	8. Viraha - 2009

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Pam's first (and only) V-Day as an engaged couple. After awkward double date with Phyllis and Bob Vance Vance Refrigeration (ep. 516 "Blood Drive")

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to have a little reference to all the previous chapters, especially chapter 5, so, good excuse to re-read!

**Viraha - the realization of love through separation (Hindi)**

* * *

_Valentine's Day, 2009_

"So I remember a long time ago, like three years ago, the documentary crew asked me about my worst first date," Jim said, taking a sip of soda.

"Mmm-hmm?" Pam replied, her mouth full of pizza crust.

"And I told them about the first time we came here, at lunch your first day, and how we were really hitting it off and having really good conversation, but come to find out you were engaged so of course it went from a great first date to a terrible one." He laughed a little and shook his head, "You probably don't even remember it."

_Of course I do,_ she wanted to say. She distinctly remembered the first time he leaned on her desk, shirt sleeves rolled, hair floppy, announcing to her confidently that she had won a slice of pizza for getting through the first four hours with Michael Scott. He had a wide, bright smile on his face and a mischievous sparkle in his eyes and she very briefly but very consciously wished she wasn't engaged right then. "Is that why we're having Cugino's pizza on Valentine's Day? So you can rewrite history?"

"Maybe a little, but mostly because we have a mortgage and an upcoming wedding to pay for and I had a coupon," Jim said smirking.

Pam gave him a light kick under the table, but then smiled as he reached out to take her left hand, the pad of his thumb rubbing the oval-cut diamond on her ring. "Well, the restaurant may be the same, but at least the ring is an upgrade," Pam teased.

Jim lifted his brows, "Is the fiance an upgrade too?"

Pam screwed her lips to the side and shrugged, but the smile quickly returned to her face. "Of course he is."

After kissing her hand, Jim leaned over in his seat and lifted a wrapped box up to the table. "Happy Valentine's Day."

Pam pulled the gift towards her, knitting her brows at the size and weight of it. Far too large to be jewelry, too heavy to be a plush animal or any kind of clothing. Perhaps a decorative vase, or a set of glassware or . . . she really had no idea what. The box inside of the wrapping paper offered no further clues as it wasn't marked in any way. Pam slipped her fingers under each side of the box top and flipped it open. Inside were artist-grade acrylic paints, at least two dozen colors. On the side of the box, a full set of brushes. "Oh my God," she said quietly.

"I remember a lot of your old ones dried out and you had to toss them during the move," Jim said. "Are they okay? The girl at the art store said this was the best brand."

"Jim, they're amazing," Pam said, running her fingers along the rainbow of paint tubes.

"I do have a request though," Jim said. Pam arched a brow at him. "That one of your first projects is painting something over that clown."

Pam laughed and buried her face in her palms, thinking about the ridiculous and seemingly permanent clown painting in their hallway. At the moment it was covered by a framed Philadelphia Eagles poster, which in Pam's opinion was only slightly better. "I'll make it a top priority." She sat up and leaned across the table, and he did the same until their lips met. "Thank you so much," she whispered.

"What can I say, I'm a patron of the arts," Jim replied, smiling at Pam's laugh as they sat back down. "So, I can't help but notice a bag there," he said, his eyes falling on a paper bag next to Pam's purse.

"Oh, yeah." She reach over and set the bag on the table in front of him. "So, you have to open them in order."

Jim's brows met and he started pulling out small wrapped gifts one-by-one, each with a number on them.

"I was heavily inspired by your teapot gifts," Pam explained.

Jim smiled and sought out Gift #1, a small flat rectangle. He carefully unwrapped it to reveal a photobooth strip, little black and white photos of them at Michael's Mini-golf 'Singles Mixer'. Jim laughed, "Wow, look at these kids."

Pam pointed to the last photo, "I always thought maybe you were blushing in this one."

"Oh, I guarantee I was blushing, alone with _you_ in the cramped quarters of that booth? That was pretty much the best moment of my life at that point."

Now Pam was the one blushing as she reached across the table to push Gift #2 towards him.

Jim opened a small box full of candies and children's Valentine's cards. "Oh man, Dwight was so mad about this."

"You did rather thoroughly replace all the contents of his desk," Pam recalled. "Twizzlers in the pencil cup, two candy bars taped together for a stapler..."

"And yet he still ate all those candies."

"I saw him use the Valentine's cards for notes, too."

Chuckling, Jim reached for Gift #3: the card Pam made for him with a caricature of Jim playing basketball. "A modern masterpiece obviously."

"Thank you, great arts patron," Pam teased. She then bit her lip as he opened Gift #4. She watched his eyes fall on a snapshot of the two of them, chatting and smiling at the bar at Phyllis' Wedding. "I know this was a weird time ... for us... but Phyllis shared an online photo album with me after her wedding and when I saw this one I - I thought it was nice and I saved it."

Jim studied the photo, his face rather solemn before giving a half smile. "You looked so pretty that day, I really wanted to tell you that. And I really wanted to ask you to dance."

Pam shook her head, "It would have been really awkward, I know why you didn't."

"I know why I didn't also . . . still wish I had," Jim said in a low tone.

Pam felt a small lump in her throat as he looked at her. His expression was all-too familiar: the small uneasy smile, the sadness in his eyes. She so often tried to ignore this expression before, tried to tell herself she wasn't the cause of it. "I'm sorry I put this in here, following my theme too closely," she said in a shaky voice, reaching for the photo.

He pulled the photo away from her grasp, "Don't be sorry. " He looked at it again and smiled, "It was a weird time, but I'm actually really grateful someone caught this moment."

Pam smiled, reaching for the next present. "Anyway, on a lighter note."

As Jim opened the oddly-shaped Gift #5, a small ball-shape came rolling out. "Oh no," he laughed, catching the marble-like object before it rolled off the table, then peeling off the rest of the wrapping paper. "This poor little guy," Jim said, holding the figurine they knocked off the vanity and broke last year.

"I was going to glue the head back on, but haven't gotten around to it," Pam replied.

"Poor Hansel probably saw too much last year, might be best to not reunited him with his body," Jim said. He reached for the final gift, opening up a hand-made laminated business card. "What's this? A 'GMTFOOH' card?"

"It's a 'Get Me The Eff Out Of Here' Card," Pam said, censoring herself for the family sitting nearby. "We both will have one and when we are in a hopelessly awkward situation, whoever is handed this card first has to get us out of there as quickly as possible."

Jim smirked, "I'm guessing our lunch with the Vances yesterday inspired this one."

"It did indeed, and Michael's dinner party and the Christmas-slash-intervention party, and about half-a-dozen times in the past year."

"This is going to see a lot of action then," Jim said, slipping the card into his wallet. He looked at the presents in front of him and knitted his brows, "Was that it?"

Pam nodded, "Yeah, that was the final one. Why?"

"Well, this is the seventh Valentine's Day we've known each other, I believe, however there are only six gifts," Jim said.

Pam watched him scanned the photos and knick-knacks; she should have known better than to think he was not going to notice a missing year. "Um, I guess, well, I didn't really have anything from three years ago."

"What was happening three Valentine's ago?" Jim said mostly to himself.

"Well, Roy had just set a date-"

Jim's mouth formed a small "Oh".

"Yeah..." Pam bit her lip and looked at the card of Jim playing basketball. "I actually . . . made you a card, I never worked up the nerve up to give it to you. It's probably still in my desk at the office."

He set his hand on hers again, and when she looked at him, he smiled and gave her fingers a small squeeze, "Either way, I love all my gifts."

He kept her hand in his for the rest of dinner, and in the car on the way home. All night she had been trying her best to focus on their date, but her thoughts kept returning to her parents separating, to her recent road trip with Michael and the painful familiarity of his relationship with Holly, of being in love with someone he couldn't be with. Jim asked her earlier if anything was bothering her and she said no, but he seemed to know she wasn't being forthcoming. Still, rather than push her, he just held her hand, which was really what she needed. To be reassured that he was _there_ , that he loved her, that he couldn't wait to marry her. That he . . .  was going straight at the stoplight where he should be turning.

"Jim?" Pam said, puzzled.

"I thought we'd take a little detour," Jim replied. A couple turns later, she realized he was taking their route to work.

As he turned into the Scranton Office Park, Pam softly said his name again, this time with more worry.

"You have the key, right?"

"Yeah..." Michael forced Dwight to relinquished a copy of the building and office keys to her after last year's lock-out incident, which Dwight only agreed to as long as Pam promised to 'keep them on her person at all times'.

He parked near the double doors, "I just thought, in the spirit of rewriting history, we could find that card from three years ago."

She regretted even mentioning the card, and wanted to say no, but he was looking at her so earnestly she nodded. They walked upstairs and entered the dimly lit office.

Pam sat at her desk and opened a drawer, while Jim took his usual spot on the other side, leaning next to the jelly bean dispenser.

"Can - can I help you look?" He was fidgety, as if it was finally hitting him how awkward this all was.

Pam gave him a smile and shook her head, "I have a vague idea of where it might be." Not a minute later she retrieved a red envelope from the back of her bottom drawer, where she had collected various cards and papers over the years. She twirled it between her fingers as she stood and walked over to Jim, putting on the biggest smile she could when she handed it to him.

Jim gave her a grin but there was definitely a nervousness beneath it, and he tentatively opened the envelope and pulled out the card. He laughed at the cartoon on the front, "Oh man, Cupid Dwight!"

"One of your more terrifying creations, he haunted my dreams for months," Pam joked. Her smiled faded though when he put his thumb on the edge of the card, and she silently prayed that maybe the card had fused shut or the writing inside had miraculously disappear.

She watched his face as he opened the card and could tell the second he started reading her postscript. He was silent, his eyes going back and forth over the writing a few times.

"It's nothing, it was three years ago," she said, twisting her fingers together.

"Yeah, I know, I just... I still feel a little bad," His eyes darted to her and he gave an unsure smile, "I wasn't much of a friend to you for about a year and a half there."

"No, you weren't," Pam said, smirking. "But ... I kind of needed it, I think, to just be alone for a while. It sucked, but it definitely helped me see things more clearly."

Jim took another look at the card and closed it, smiling at the caricature of him and Dwight. He then turned on his heels and walked to his desk, turning on his computer. "Alright," he started, clicking the mouse, "to finished out this rewriting history thing." One more click and the tinny speakers of his computer started to play a familiar guitar rift. He reached his hand out towards her, "Would you like to dance?"

A breathy male voice began to sing and Pam smiled, realizing this was "Every Breath You Take" by the Police. She walked over to take Jim's outstretched hand and they began to sway slowly in front of his desk.

"I'm not sure why people think this song is romantic, it's actually kind of creepy," Pam said after a moment, listening to Sting describing all the situations in which he'll 'be watching you'.

"Yeah, stalk much?" Jim replied.

She rested her head on his shoulder. "Can we maybe . . . not play this at our wedding?"

"I think we should go a step further and ban all Police and Sting songs at our wedding," Jim countered. He looked down to her and she lifted her head. "All in favor?"

"Aye!" she replied.

"The 'ayes' having it then."

Pam giggled and rested her head back on Jim's shoulder. "This is where you first kissed me," she said quietly after a moment.

"It is." Jim replied, his voice quiet and husky. "It's where I fell in love with you."

Pam's cheeks started burning, "Me too."

"It's where I nearly proposed to you, well, downstairs at least."

Pam lifted her head, her brows knitted, "When?"

"Toby's Good-bye party," Jim said. Pam gave him her best 'I knew it' face. "Someone kinda beat me to the punch though."

"It's okay, the actual proposal was better." Pam lifted her shoulder in a half-shrug, "Maybe we should get married here.”

Jim tilted his head, “It's probably way cheaper than any place we’re looking at.”

“And have our kids here?” Pam added, her lips curling.

“With our health plan, we probably _have_ to have our kids here," Jim said in a faux-serious voice before smiling at Pam's laughter.

They swayed until the final note of the song faded out, and Pam looked up to Jim. "So, have we sufficiently rewritten history?"

"Yes, I think we're good," Jim replied. "Now, let's get the eff out of here."

Pam laughed and Jim let her go, turning to shut down his computer. She walked over to her desk where her purse was.

"I gotta jot something down real quick," Jim called over to her. She replied okay and walked to the front door to lock it. A moment later Jim came around the corner, taking her hand and walking to the elevators.

At the first stoplight, Jim reached to his back pocket and pulled out the red envelope. "So, weirdest thing, when I put the card back in here, I noticed another note."

Pam's brows met and she took the card, she certainly didn't remember putting anything else in the envelope, but she supposed it was possible. She pulled the card out and opened it, finding a yellow sticky note now on top of her hastily written postscript. She squinted to read the note in the distant lighting of a streetlamp, then looked up to Jim's smiling face. Her left hand once again found it's way into his hand, and her right hand reached up to wipe a tear off her smiling cheek.

 

> _Dear Past Jim,_
> 
> _It's going to be a little difficult, but Cupid Dwight's aim will indeed be true,_  
>  _and in three years you will hardly believe how happy you are._
> 
> _Sincerely, Future Jim_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :')  
> Oh and I know in "Night Out" in season 4 that the Scranton office park is apparently all chained up and locked at night but I'm declaring 'artistic license' and ignoring that.


	9. Mo chuisle mo chroi - 2010

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not optimal to be 8 and 1/2 months pregnant on Valentine's Day...

**Mo chuisle mo chroi - the pulse of my heart (Gaelic)**

* * *

_Valentine's Day, 2010_

This had to have been her 40th trip to the bathroom today, Pam thought as she lumbered back into the bedroom. Jim was sitting up on the bed with his feet out in front of him, giving her a smile she weakly returned as she backed up into the bed to sit next to him.

"Everything okay?"

"Aside from this baby's head pressing directly on my bladder, I'm fine," Pam replied.

He gave her a half grin, "Doesn't help that it's a giant Halpert head either, does it?"

Pam gave an exhausted laugh and shook her head head no, watching him as he leaned forward to kiss her on her forehead. Jim had been so attentive and sweet to her through this, she wished she could give him a more exciting Valentine's Day but she was so drained and the thought of having to push this giant Halpert head out of her soon and _where_ it would be coming out of her hardly put her in the mood.

"I think I feel too blimp-like and gross to have Valentine's Day sex with you," Pam said with a pout.  
  
Jim smirked, "Yeah, we really should have planned the timeline of this unexpected pregnancy better."  
  
"You have plenty to pull from the Spank Bank though, right?"  
  
Jim sat up straight and put his hands on either side of Pam's rounded belly, "Close your ears, baby, you did _not_ just hear your mother say 'spank bank'."  
  
Pam giggled, "The day I came back from New York was pretty good."  
  
"This is outrageous," Jim said.  
  
"First night in this house was good." Pam bit her lip, "Our stay at Schrute Farms was good."

"Pam, you know what happens in the irrigation room stays in the irrigation room," Jim said. After a moment, he spoke in a low tone, "My personal go-to is our first Valentine's together."

"Oh yeah?"

He gave her a slow smile, "Yeah, that was... a _very_ good night."

Pam was inclined to agree, still able to recall vividly the way they all but ripped off each others clothes that night, her slick naked body wrapped around his as he carried her to her bedroom, frantically clearing off her vanity before setting her down then roughly thrusting into her, moans and expletives tumbling from their mouths and masking the fact the back of her vanity was rhythmically and loudly knocking into the thin share wall of her cheap apartment.

A reddish tint spread across Jim's cheeks and she was sure the same scene was going through his head, causing his smirk to fade and his eyes to get a little dark. She felt a stir low in her belly, and thought maybe she did have a little bit of Valentine's Day libido after all.

But when his lips touched hers she realized it was actually a different urge. "Dammit, I gotta pee again." Pam turned away and had to rock back and forth a little to gain the momentum to rotate her body and get her feet on the floor, and was both annoyed at and amused by Jim snickering. "Stop watching me, it's _your_ baby's enormous head that's giving me the grace of a sedated bear."

"This is all going in the spank bank," he said with a laugh.  
  
"Oh my God, please don't put anything from during this pregnancy in there," Pam said as she pulled the door shut behind her and waddled to the toilet.

Pam incorrectly thought Jim was done with his quips until she flushed, washed her hands and opened the door.

"I hate to remind you, Beesly, but we had our honeymoon during this pregnancy and that is definitely in there," he started up again with a smirk. "Also up until recently you have been a rather horny pregnant lady."  
  
Pam blushed, "Have I?"  
  
"Yeah, like, insatiable, I honestly will be okay with the break."  
  
"It's going to be a while though, you know that, right?" Pam said quietly, once again carefully backing up to the bed and scooting back on the mattress.

"Pam, do you need to hear the waiting story again?"  
  
Pam rolled to her left side, balling the pillow under her head. "I don't know, maybe."

Jim lay down on his right side to face her, "Well, there once was this boy, who worked with a girl, and he knew the moment he met her he wanted to be with this girl. Then it turned out the girl already had a boyfriend, fiancé actually. Maybe the boy should have let it go right then, but he knew this girl was special and was going to be a big part of his life. So the guy decided to wait. And he waited a while, and it was hard, all he had was small-talk over jellybeans, glances during meetings, the occasional touch when she handed him a document. Everyone told him he was reading too much into it, that she just saw the boy as a friend, but there was this sparkle in her eyes when she laughed at his jokes and he knew deep down she felt something too."  
  
Pam smiled, silently telling him that she did feel something, long before she realized it herself.  
  
"But she was planning her wedding to aforementioned fiancé and it got to be too much for the guy, and he decided he had to get away. One night, he stopped her to tell her he was leaving, and he looked at her and she was so pretty and the words had been on the tip of his tongue for so long that they just came out."  
  
"Did they run away together?" she whispered.  
  
Jim smirked, "Not exactly. See, turns out, telling a girl you love her one month before she's suppose to get married to someone else? Bad move."  
  
Pam chewed her lip slightly, watching Jim cast his eyes down.  
  
"So he left anyway, and spent the next year feeling pretty sorry for himself, and when he had to work with the girl again, who was now single by the way, he distracted himself by getting into a relationship with this other poor woman who had no idea he was just wallowing in self pity."  
  
"Wait, is the boy suppose the hero of story?" Pam teased.  
  
"He thought he was, but turns out the girl spent that time getting more courageous and when the boy was about to run away again, she literally walked through fire to stand before this boy and tell him she wished he would come back." Jim nodded, "So they saved each other in a way, I think."  
  
"And then they got together?"  
  
He placed his hand over hers, his fingertips tracing her silver band. "And then they got together, and she's about to have their first child, and they're pretty happy. Except she's worried he's going to have to wait a couple months before they can get back at it in the bedroom." He smiled, "But she should know, he waited three years just to kiss her and if he had to, he'd do it again."  
  
Pam blushed. "He would?"  
  
Jim scooted closer. "Absolutely" he whispered. He tilted her chin up, and started to close his eyes.

"Wait, he wants to kiss now?" Pam said, pulling her face away.  
  
"Um... kinda," Jim said sheepishly.  
  
"But he just told this big romantic story about how he would wait years for a kiss if he had to."  
  
"If he had to, Pam, had to, he doesn't really have to wait now." He lifted an eyebrow, "Right?"  
  
Pam shrugged, giving Jim her best "I don't know" look. But when he gave her his famously goofy "sad" face, she relented immediately and put her hand behind his ear, pulling his lips to hers. "Oh!" she said after a moment, and Jim looked at her with worried eyes, but she took his hand and put it on her belly, where the baby had started to stir. Pam loved seeing the wonderment on his face when Jim felt their baby kick, his smile wide and his eyes a bit shiny.  
  
"The baby likes it when we kiss," she said quietly.  
  
"I think they inherited your dorky dance moves."

_Yes, she did,_ Pam thought. She couldn't resist the temptation anymore and called the doctor last week to find out she was having a girl, and now she couldn't stop smiling as she pictured Jim dancing with their daughter, little Mary Janes standing on black dress shoes at a some reception somewhere.

Once the baby settled down, Pam felt her eyelids get heavy and Jim pull the covers up to her shoulders.

"Sorry for unexciting Valentine's Day," she murmured. Soon she felt his lips on her cheek, his fingers toying with a lock of her hair.

"I'm with my wife, I don't need anything else."

The smile stayed on her face until she drifted off to sleep, possibly even after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will come sooner (twss) and be sexier ;-)  
> [Here's video of Jim's goofy "sad face"](https://youtu.be/JghodABZ_N8?t=2m24s)


	10. Cheiro no Cangote - 2011

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pam and Jim after their supply closet hook-up in "PDA" (ep7.16)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think you'll enjoy this one ;-)

**Cheiro no Cangote - to gently nuzzle your lover's neck with the tip of your nose (Portugese)**

* * *

 

_Valentine's Day, 2011_

At the second to last stoplight from their house, Pam looked over to Jim and smiled to herself. Sure, the camera crew knew that they hooked up in the closet, what the camera crew didn't know was last month they had decided to start trying for a second baby.

"I mean, when you think about it, it's actually kind of weird we hadn't done it in the office," Jim said, seeming to pick up on her thoughts. "Not for a lack of thinking about it the last seven years."

Pam giggled, "Seven years, huh? So you were fantasizing about doing it with an engaged woman in your place of work?"

"My thoughts about you during that time were totally PG," he said, feigning offense. He looked to Pam's skeptical face and half smiled, "Fine, PG13. I mostly thought about where I wouldn't mind kissing you. Near the vending machine of the break room always crossed my mind, also the corner of the conference room."

Jim pulled into their garage, it was 5:15 and Pam's mom had text earlier that she'd bring home Cece sometime between 6 and 6:30. Normally Pam would use this time to get some much needed cleaning done but while unbuckling her seat belt she looked to Jim, simultaneously adorable and sexy with his hair still mussed and tie askew from earlier. His hand on the door handle, he looked to Pam and knitted his brows. "What is it?"

"You know the other place we haven't ever done it?" Pam said with a sly grin.

"Where?"  
  
"In this car."

Jim smiled a mischievous grin to match hers, his hand left the door handle and, once he turned in his seat, was soon caressing her cheek.

"Get in the back," Pam demanded a little breathlessly once their lips parted, and she tried not to laugh as Jim obliged, all long awkward limbs climbing over the console. Once he was seated behind her, she pressed the button on the side of her seat forward.

"Ah, okay, moving the seats up, nice," Jim said. "I've never really gotten the hang of car sex, by the way, I don't exactly have the frame for it."

Pam bit her lip before blurting out that she had plenty of experience with car sex, most of her and Roy's intimate encounters for the first couple years of their relationship took place in his truck bed or in the backseat of her old Honda Accord. Of course, there was no baby seat to contend with then, Pam thought as she crawled over the console and ended up squished between Jim and Cece's seat.

"Alright, here we are, so what now, Ms Beesly." Jim said putting his arm around her shoulder.

Pam smirked and gave Jim a couple kisses before whispering in his ear. "Put your hands on me, Jim."

He kissed and nipped at her neck before freezing and lifting his head, "Did you ... just quote Titanic?"

Pam giggled, "Let's fog up these windows good."

"Stop it, that isn't sexy," Jim whined.

"What is not sexy about young Kate and Leo?" Pam replied. Jim only rolled his eyes. "You know you've rubbed one out to the drawing scene."

"I refuse to confirm that statement."  
  
"Ah, but you don't deny it," Pam said. "I don't blame you, I mean her boobs looked amazing."

"I prefer these boobs though," Jim said, who without Pam realizing it had undone her shirt and was now cupping her breast, his thumb softly brushing over the fabric causing her nipple to tighten underneath. "Also I should amend my previous statement that I only had PG13 thoughts about you when you were previously engaged. Because I definitely thought about these breasts often."

"Well in the spirit of honestly, I confess to having some non-work appropriate thoughts about you before we got together."

"Oh yeah?"  
  
"Yeah I thought about your hands a lot, how they'd feel on my skin, what they'd do when they got to certain places. Same with your lips." Pam kept her eyes locked with his as she undid his belt and zipper. "I also may have thought about this," she reached down beneath the elastic waistband to take him in her hand.

"What did you think about?" he replied with a deep breath.

She smirked as he started to become hard in just a couple strokes, "Well, at first it was things like size and shape, like if you were a model in a life drawing class, how would I draw and shade it."

"Sounds very technical," he said, trying to speak normally but his heavy breaths betrayed him.

"Then I thought about how would you liked to be touched, and who would like to touch you and if maybe I was one of those people."

"I think you know the answer to that," he said, letting out slight gasps as Pam started to kiss his neck, her hand moving quicker.

"And I would think about how you would feel inside me," she whispered.

He let out a grunt and then grabbed her wrist to still it. "Listen this is really great but I believed I was promised car sex, not car handjob."

"Fine then," Pam said, lifting her hips and reaching under her skirt, quickly slipping her panties down her legs and over her shoes.

Jim's wide eyes snapped to her hand with the small bunch of pink cotton. "Okay, that is the now the 2nd time you've done that today and you are shockingly good at it."

She laughed and tossed the ball of fabric to the front, then grabbed the back of the passenger seat to pull herself up, turning and lifting her left knee then setting it back down on the seat so she was now straddling his lap. In the process he had pulled his slacks and boxers down to his knees, and his hands were sliding up Pam's thighs, pushing her skirt up over her hips. Now Pam was the one breathing heavy as Jim moved his hand between her legs, his fingers making long deliberate strokes.    
  
"God Pam, you're so..." She interrupted his words with her lips and lifted herself up on her knees and scooted forward, both of them moaning as she lowered down onto him. She stayed still for a moment before starting to rotate her lower half, lifting up and sinking back down slowly. His large hands were soon holding her hips, helping set a faster, more consistent pace. She kept one hand on the head rest behind him while the other snaked between them until her fingers reached where she needed it.

Their panting and moaning got louder and the rhythm got faster and Pam moved her hand away to grip the top of the seat and steady herself.  
  
"Are you close?" Jim stammered between breaths. She let a little moan intended to be a 'yes' and he slowed his pace for a moment. "Look at me," he whispered.  
  
She obliged and lifted her head, and his eyes didn't break away from hers as his hand slipped back between them.  
  
"I want to watch you come," he said in a low, gravely voice.  
  
She couldn't help but smile a little; their little rendezvous in the closet was fun but it was also rushed, she kept her face buried in her chest and her fingers in his hair as he thrusted quickly, both of them trying to be as quiet as possible.  
  
But now they could take their time, make all the noise they wanted. She was a little amazed at how he had perfected his strokes over the years, knew exactly what pressure and rhythm she needed and liked. His fingers continued to work her as she started to shake then cried out loudly, and with a couple more thrusts he joined her falling over the edge. His face was buried in the crook of her neck and she turned so her nose was in his soft hair, breathing in the almost intoxicating combo of shampoo and just him.

"That was amazing," he said once his breathing slowed. "You're amazing."  
  
She lifted her head and chuckled at his now hopelessly messy hair before giving him a long kiss.  
  
"We are definitely going to come out of that with a baby," he added.  
  
"Oh my god," Pam said giggling.  
  
"You know they say the more the woman is into it at conception, the more likely she will have a boy." Jim said as Pam carefully climbed off of him.  
  
Pam's jaw dropped and she scoffed while pulling down her skirt, "Who said that?"  
  
"I don't know, _they_ did." Jim said, lifting his rear to pull up his pants. "So, you know, if it's a boy we'll know this was the moment."  
  
"And if it's a girl we'll know the supply closet was the moment," Pam retorted, buttoning her shirt.

Jim snapped his face to her and she gave a small shrug. "That almost feels like some kind of slight, Beesly."

"Not a slight, it was fun, but it was, you know, not an ideal setting," She stammered, worried now she had insulted him. "We did the best we could considering Meredith and Kevin were mere feet away."

He left out a soft chuckle and Pam's felt relief. "Yeah, and you're right, work closets and backseats aren't nearly as good as our bed."

"Or our shower," Pam said with a smirk.

The grin slowly spread across Jim's face and he took a peek at his watch. "I propose we hit up one of those places before your mom brings Cece home."

"I accept your proposal," Pam said, and they all but fell out of the car and clamored to the door between the garage to the house.

Jim put the key into the deadbolt, which was notoriously sticky and after a few unsuccessful key jiggles, he stepped aside, "I forget, you have the magic touch."

"Yes, I do," Pam said with laugh and stepped in front of Jim, carefully turning the key until it's started to give way. Just then Jim's lips were on _that_ spot behind her ear, his hand on her stomach slipping down under the waist band of her skirt. She briefly blushed at recalling her underwear was still in the footwell of the passenger seat and then was shocked she didn't snap the key off in the deadbolt when his fingers found her very slick and highly sensitive.

"I have the magic touch in a few other areas though," his husky voice vibrated in her ear and she nearly came apart right then. She turned and all but yanked his face down to hers, and she has no idea how they got into the house without falling over.

They didn't make it to the bed or the shower, but the couch proved to be an acceptable alternative.

*****

(And four months later at Pam's ultrasound, Jim couldn't hide his smirk when the technician said they were having a boy)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The show gave Jim and Pam exactly one good Valentine's Day so I had to take advantage ;-) Thanks for reading and reviews are <3


	11. Cafune - 2012

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> set around 814 "Special Project", how Pamela got her groove back

**Cafune - to run your fingers through your lover's hair (Portuguese)**

* * *

_Valentine's Day 2012_

In the past year, Pam was often told the second pregnancy was much easier. And in many ways it was; less severe morning sickness, a shorter labor and easier delivery. She was not warned that recovering from the second pregnancy wasn't easier, though. She lost the weight from Cece without too much effort, and she and Jim were back at it in the bedroom the moment her doctor gave the okay.

It wasn't the case with Philip, she knew she was still months away from fitting in her pre-pregnancy clothes, if she would ever get back to that size at all. And when she had her post-partum check-up last month, she prayed the doctor would suggest waiting a while longer for sex, but the doctor said physically Pam was good to go. Fortunately Jim having to work all day then deal with a newborn and a toddler all evening meant he was usually asleep the moment his head hit the pillow, and Pam could go another day without having to address the fact that she had no libido. The couple times he did try to initiate things, Jim was very understanding when Pam said she wasn't up for it. But Pam could tell he was getting a little antsy and promised herself Valentine's Day would be the day.

She hadn't told him about that promise, but he seemed to know as he arranged an afternoon at the spa for her. He dropped her off, then sent her silly little texts (some cute, some a little more suggestive) as she was getting scrubs and creams rubbed into various parts of her body. Jim picked her up, all relaxed and exfoliated, and drove her home to the 2nd biggest bouquet of flower she'd ever seen (the first was still the Christmas bouquet he had tricked Dwight into sending her, or maybe Dwight tricked him? The details were fuzzy on that). Her mother and sister briefly said hello before leaving with Cece, so it was just Jim, Pam and Philip.

Jim had picked up some Italian take-out while Pam was at the spa and they had a nice meal, discussing the best ways for Jim to survive being with Dwight on his upcoming business trip, though the fact that Jim was about to leave for three week just felt like more pressure to Pam.

After dinner Pam fed Philip, put him in his crib and watched him until he dozed off. Philip was a good sleeper, and Pam knew she and Jim had at least a couple hours of uninterrupted time. She walked to the bedroom, finding Jim folding shirts and putting them in a suitcase on the floor. She scolded herself for hoping he'd be asleep.

"Hey," he said, tossing the unfolded shift in his hands into the suitcase and walking towards Pam. He put his arms around her waist, lacing his fingers behind her. Pam tried not to think about how he couldn't get his arms around her as easily. "How's your Valentine's been so far?"

"Wonderful," she said, putting on a smile. Maybe if she smiled enough she'd feel it.

"Good," he said, leaning in for a kiss. She felt his hands make their way down over her hips then back up, slipping under her sweater and running along the bare skin of her back. She let out a breath that Jim fortunately didn't realize was a sigh. He pulled back, eyes half-closed and mouth half-smiling, silently asking if she was ready. _This was about as ready as she was going to get,_ she thought.

She tried to mimic his bedroom-eyed look and reached up to his collar. He smiled and kissed her as she unbuttoned his shirt, and once his shirt was on the floor he started to pull her sweater off.

She felt extremely self-conscious as she and Jim took off their clothes. She wasn't blind to how the other moms at Cece's daycare looked at Jim. He was a Hot Young Dad; head of thick hair, broad shoulders, tall, lean body. She could still remember Ryan calling her a "Scranton 7" and that was two kids ago, now she was probably hovering around a Scranton 5 on a good day. Which made her, what, a New York 4? 3?

They lay back on the bed and Pam bit her lip as Jim started a trail of kisses down her new double chin, between her increasingly saggy breasts, across her soft belly marked with shiny pink lines. Now his lips were on her huge thighs, and as he reached a hand between her legs, she was overwhelmed with the thought of how her recent delivery had probably ravaged that area, and twisted her saddle-bagged hips away from him.

He sat up, his eyebrows raised in worry. "What's the matter?"

"You don't have to do that, we can do other stuff," she said. _Maybe under the sheets and in the dark,_ she wanted to add.

"But I wanna do that," he said with a half grin, his hand stroking her knee.

"I just . . . I'm probably not very sexy right now, huh?"

"Pam, trust me, you're sexy," Jim said, his fingertips now making small circles on her thigh.

"Yeah, but I don't _feel_ very sexy," Pam replied, crossing her arms over her chest and looking off towards his open suitcase in the corner of the room.

"Would you feel better if I dimmed the lights?" Jim suggested after a moment.

Pam scoffed. "So you don't have to look at your whale of a wife while you go down on her?" she muttered.

"Beesly, there could be stadium lights in here and I'd still want to go down on you right now." There was a rough edge to his voice that made Pam draw in her breath and sit up a little. She found her eyes traveling down his bare torso to his stomach. He actually did have a little more paunch than she had noticed, somehow that made her feel better. Her eyes traveled down further and she smiled a little, maybe her body's not back, maybe it'll never be 100-percent back, but she could still arouse her husband and that made her feel kind of sexy.

She met Jim's eyes as she uncrossed her arms and rolled her hips back towards him. A smirk passed over his lips before they were once again on her thigh, traveling upward. She let out a heavy breath.

"Is it all weird down there now?" she half-joked, "is this even gonna work?" She was pretty sure she could feel him smile against her and then he skillfully flicked his tongue a few times, causing her to let out a soft moan.

"That part still seems to work," he said. She laughed and playfully tried to smack his head but he fended off her off and continued until she tilted her head back, another moan escaping her lips. Her hand return to his head, this time curling her fingers in his soft hair. She let out a series of gasps and moans before finally crying out, her back arched and her fingers gripping his hair tightly. In her haze, she heard Jim mumble something about waking a newborn.

"What?" Pam said, looking down to Jim through bleary eyes.

He smiled and pushed himself on his hands, bringing his face to hers, "I said let's try not to wake our newborn."

Pam smirked, "I thought you liked it when I'm loud."

Jim's eyes widened slightly, "Of course I do but..." Pam interrupted his train of thought as she reach down to take him her hand, guiding him into her, and any concern about keeping quiet was forgotten as she let out a sound with every thrust of his, and he groaned her name into her neck.

They were still for a moment as their heavy breathing returned to a more normal speed, then Jim lifted himself up on his forearms, his fingers toying with her curls. "I know you haven't felt the best about yourself recently, but you really are very sexy."

Pam rolled her eyes, "You're just saying that because you just got some."

"Hey," he said softly but sternly, his hazel eyes locked with hers. "You are my best friend, you're the mother of my children, you're my best Valentine's present every year and I love you so much."

"How much?" Pam asked, her lips curling.

"So. fucking. much." Jim replied, grinned broadly as Pam threw her head back in laughter. He started to kiss her neck before a cry came from the baby monitor. "Damn," he muttered before rolling off to the side and standing to grabs some pajama bottoms.

Pam threw on her robe and walked into the nursery, checking Philip's diaper.

"I got it, you've done enough of these," Jim said, startling Pam a little when he appeared at her side, lifting Philip up.  
  
Pam smiled watching Jim rather adeptly change Philip's diaper, then rocking him back to sleep. They stood over the crib for a moment, Jim's arms around Pam's shoulders.

"I don't wanna go to Florida," Jim said softly as they left the room together and walked down the hall.

"We'll be fine," Pam said with a smile.

"I know you'll be fine, but what about me?" Jim said with a slight whine when they reached their bedroom. "Going from dream girl naked in my bed to sharing a hotel room with Dwight? Talk about a downgrade."  
  
"Yeah, but you'll have Cathy there," Pam quipped.

Jim stepped in front of Pam and started untying the belt of her robe. "Pam, I thought we already established," his hands slipped under the terry cloth, one sliding up to her breast, the other spanning her hip, "this is the only shake I'm interested in having fries with."

Pam giggled then let out a soft hum when he leaned down and began kissing her neck, "I guess you are hoping to get a shake for the road then?"

"I'd like a couple shakes for the road if we can manage it," Jim said in her ear.

She leaned back to look at him, giggling again when he wagged his eyebrows at her. With a tug of his tee-shirt collar she pulled him down for a kiss, walked him backwards to the bed then gave him a gentle shove. Pam slipped her robe off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor, watching Jim's eyes drift down then back up (slowing down considerably when they reached her chest). She was able to easily match his grin with her own wide smile as she stepped forward and crawled on top of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> S8 is definitely not my forte as far as my canon knowledge goes so apologies if this doesn't fit in *exactly* with the "Special Project" episode, let's call it "artistic license" ;-)
> 
> Thanks for reading and reviews are <3


	12. Onsra - 2013

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set after 915 "Couple's Discount"

**Onsra - the bittersweet feeling that love won't last (Boro)**

* * *

_Valentine's Day 2013_

"I just wish you told me that I had upset you that much," Jim said, sitting on the bed with his fingers laced. "I don't want you to be afraid to tell me things."

"I don't want you to be afraid to tell me things either," Pam replied, leaning against their dresser. _But you are_ , she wanted to add. There were a lot of things she wanted to add, but it was already half-passed-nine and they had been at this since dinner.

He stood and took her hands in his, rubbing his thumb over her wedding band. "It's going to get easier. And I'm going to do better, okay?"

She nodded, "Okay, I am too." She smiled but it felt nothing but unsure.

A cry came on the monitor and Pam eyed the door. "It's okay," Jim said quickly, giving her arm a squeeze, "I'll get him."

She watched his shadow leave the room and disappear down the hall, and her hands met, the fingers on her right hand twisting the ring on her left. She remembered doing this often with her first ring, and thought she had broken the habit once and for all. She dropped her hands and walking into their bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

Once she got the water to the right temperature, she stepped into the shower and after a moment sank to the floor. It was odd, she had cried so much the last few weeks but now that she wanted to cry, wanted to feel the frustration and sadness, nothing would come. It felt like the person she knew better than anyone was becoming a stranger to her, and Pam wanted it to hurt more than it did, but all she felt was a strange numbness, a resignation.

There was a knock and she stood back up as the door creaked open. "Just a diaper, he's already out like a light again."

"Thank you," Pam said. She watched the shower curtain as his shadow got closer. "I can be finished soon, if you want to shower."

There was a long pause before he spoke softly. "I was kind of hoping to join you."

Her instinct was to say no. He had become very good as distracting her recently, at coming back from Philadelphia either way too late or way to early, getting his lips on hers before she could tell him how many tantrums Cece had thrown while he was gone, his hand slipping between her legs before she could inform him what percent of Phillip's dinner had ended up on her clothes and in her hair. Then again, she let him distract her like that, it was the only time he ever felt _there_ anymore, felt present. The rest of the time he was home he may as well be across the state.

But she peeked out the shower curtain and half-smiled, and he half-smiled back as he started to unbutton his shirt.

At first they don't really face each other, he stepped under the shower head and started scrubbing himself with soap, she faced away and ran conditioner through her hair. They turned at the same time, her eyes landing on his chest before she looked up to his face. His hair was wet and pasted to his forehead and Pam felt her eyes sting as she thought about how he kind of looked like he did the day he proposed. She remembered being so happy, so hopeful about the future they were going to build together. Now, some days she wondered, always briefly but never-the-less strongly, if that future still had a place for her.

Stepping closer, she wrapped her arms around his middle, her cheek on his bare chest. He lifted his arms, putting one hand firmly on her back, the other on her head. She let out a quiet sob and he held her tighter. "It's gonna be okay," he whispered, "we're gonna be okay."

She wanted nothing more than to believe him, to be comforted by him holding her and stroking her wet hair, but everything about them, about the life they built together, felt like it was slipping through her fingers like water.

**Author's Note:**

> If you love PB&J you should visit us at [MoreThanThat!](http://mtt.just-once.net/fanfiction)  
> 


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